Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
