I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
