Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
