weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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