I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
