I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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