Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
