im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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