"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
