I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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