Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
