Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize