Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
