Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
