I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize