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I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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