So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
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i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno