everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
