i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
