did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
