so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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