How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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