I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
