I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
