we're blogging at a bar
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
