awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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