theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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