My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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