I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
