Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
