just tell him i said nine months
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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