guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
