Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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