Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
