oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
