I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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