She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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