Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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