Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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