Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
