You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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