u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
