I'm jealous of your bromance
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He felt like a one man threesome
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
