Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
