Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
