Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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