he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
