Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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