Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
