I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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