...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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