dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
