I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
