Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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