someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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