Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
