it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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