SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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