When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
