I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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