I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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