You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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