i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
