Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
