just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
