You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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