I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
