I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
